IBM’s Watson computer system, which you may remember from the decidedly one-sided man vs. machine Jeopardy! series when it was first unveiled, is now trying its hand as a psychoanalyst. Personality Insights takes sample text and returns a “spectrum of cognitive and social characteristics. With Watson Analyzes This, we see what Watson has to say about our beers from their Beers Page description, then run our own, human-powered analysis of its work.
On the Couch: Defender IPA
Real Name: Unknown
Super Powers: Hop Juiciness, Utter Satisfaction, Strength, Listening (We Think)
Have You Seen Him?: He’s always nearby, somehow.
Watson Says:
You are analytical, rational and can be perceived as insensitive.
You are calm under pressure: you handle unexpected events calmly and effectively. You are self-controlled: you have control over your desires, which are not particularly intense. And you are calm-seeking: you prefer activities that are quiet, calm, and safe.
Your choices are driven by a desire for self-expression.
You are unlikely to: Reply on social media, put health at risk, do adventure sports.
Doctor Rozmus Says:
Watson, with some tough truths! Naturally, a hero needs to be analytical and rational to fight on the side of justice. But insensitive? It sounds harsh, but very few people have questioned some of Batman’s more brutal tactics (most likely to avoid taking a Batarang to the face.) We can’t make any mistakes here– the Defender has some muscle behind it, and if you cross him the wrong way, you’re going to feel it.
As for the calm-seeking and weak desires, I can’t quite agree. This is a figure who does battle to defend creativity worldwide, after all. That’s pretty difficult to do if you’re not seriously fired up about something, you know? No one ever tried to change the world because they felt ambivalent about something.
I must admit, my friend Watson, I really like your new “will they/won’t they” capability! Of course the Defender is quiet on social media; he’s out there kicking ass, not half-heartedly wishing old acquaintances “happy birthday” on Facebook or posting his shield on Instagram (though that would be pretty sweet.) And given his fitness and fighting skill, a love of adventure sports and not snapping bones makes perfect sense.
Remember Watson’s words here, folks– the Defender is a noble friend, but a terrible enemy. Treat his power with respect, and you too will be Defending Beer in style.
Check out Watson’s inner workings here: